Farmstead Humorist Pillows

'Hello, Doc Barnes? I just got your bill. You've just bought yourself a cow.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

A sure sign of rain

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

Dedication to excellence....

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

"Static cling."

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

'How are you at thinking outside the flocks?'

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Tropical fruit, imported cheese, coconuts...I'm not really into that 'eat locally' stuff.'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

"That's... yikes. I mean... what's even going on down there? Honey, I don't think a push-up bra is very flattering on you."

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

"Start talking."

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

'I promise, you're not crossing to the Dark Side.'

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

A Tongue Stud.

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

"I call it 'Moona Lisa'."

"Ok, let's try it one last time. It's 'Ahhhhhh'..."