Fantasy Stockholder Gifts

'This is better than magic beans, Jack. It's stock in the company that makes the magic beans.'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"I have an obligation to the stockholders, not the employees!"

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

"Your resume's very impressive, but we're looking for a financial wizard."

'All we can do is remind the stockholders that money isn't everything.'

'That concludes the annual report, I will now fend off questions from the stockholders.'

"Still, I think we can all take some pride in being one of the signature bankruptcies of our time."

'Our total annual return looks better since photoshop...'

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

'Now might be a good time to interject the GOOD news to the stockholders!'

"Tell me the fairytale about the economy."

Not The Real Me

Organizational Flow Chart: Puppets

'I'd like to invest in some young companies.'

The church of our lady of wall street.

Updated Proverbs. We come into the world with nothing. And leave deeply in debt!

Financial Advisor to client: 'Your portfolio still could earn money if you believe in the existence of junk bond elves.'

"Do you believe in Bigfoot?"

'Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission.'

C.E.O.s deserve respect.

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

'Do we have any stocks rated 'cute'?'

Warren Buffett

'We have obligations to our stockholders, our employees and our community - Fortunately, Henderson in legal has found a loophole.'

'Well, what kind of turnout did you expect?'

"But my real dream is gettin' paid lotsa money for doin' nothin'."

"President Whipple couldn't make it."

'The employees hate it, but the stock holders love it.'

"I know about the tooth fairy, but I feel a bit young to be selling off my body parts!"