Fantasy Financier Gifts

"If I won forty-seven million dollars in the lottery, I wouldn't change a thing. Not at first."

'Just one question: How come my fantasy stock portfolio consistently out performs my actual portfolio?'

"I can grant your wish for a billion dollars, but you can't wish away filling out an IRS Form W-9."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Annual profits,

"#Win!"

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

World Economic Crisis.

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

Fish and color

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

'Let's try this church. They welcome all denominations!'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

"Now I'll demonstrate how, with a minimum of capital investment, you can make a mountain out of a molehill!"

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'