Fantasy Life Curator Pillows

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

The Kitchen area of a Whitechapel Boarding House

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Redecorating Easter Island.

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'I'm having a private showing over on my grandma's refrigerator next week.'

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

'Well, it's about time!'

Grumpy old merry men.

The pet shop of Doctor Moreau

'Sounds like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.'

If You See Something You Want, Whine!

"I'd love to chat, Dave, but unless it's high-powered, high-quality, high-finance, high-tech chat, I just don't have the time."

Museum of Mediocre Art.

My own museum.

"My idea of an agreeable person is one who agrees with me."

"They discovered an Earthlike planet, and it's close." "Earthlike?" "Does it have oceans and beaches and sensual ladies who like to gaze at sunsets?" "It may have liquid water. And it's orbiting a red dwarf, so it'll always look like sunset." "But is there anyone there to whisper sweet nothings to?" "I know a guy at NASA. If they send a probe, maybe he could add your dating profile."

"Holly and Michael were growing envious of their son's imaginary friend… Rickey and me are going to the Knicks game with Bruce Springsteen!"

Poems to Spookify

"Instead of 'It sucks' you should say, 'It doesn't speak to me.'"

Dragon holding little man.

The passage of time.

Preserving space heritage.

'That brush - how many dpi?'

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

Haile Selassie

'Darling, you remember that unbreakable toy we bought him? He's used it to break all the others...'

The Evolution Of Manhood

"She was an excellent model, but her mother simply couldn't learn to trust me."

Home Sweet Home

A man carves a totem pole