Fantasy Gambler Pillows

STRIP Hambone: Betting on horse racing with the company payroll

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"Things got heated with the Morgans. I may have wagered our car. You're up."

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

'Our ceiling is under repair--sorry.'

"Mother, I sold the cow for some financial derivatives."

Despite his perfect 'Poker Face'. the others always seemed to know when Toby had a good hand...

'I'll see your dirty laundry, and raise you six children.'

"I'd get out of the volatile, capricious, irritating stock market. . . but I might miss out on further gains."

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

I'm going to say my prayers. Should I play the same lotto numbers?

Aggressive investing.

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

"In the ring, kid. We want you to take a fall in the ring."

Boris Johnson and the Stock Market

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just picking up the pieces after a traumatic investment."

"We're still pre-rich."

'I've decided to hang in for the long-term. Maybe even all day!'

Impulse Investors Welcomed.

"Day trading? What's made in a minute is lost in a second."

Fantasy Football Betting Pool

'I'll take Tommy Peters to cry first, for a nickel.'

'He's a plumber, yet you bet him he couldn't break 100, using a plunger as his putter?'

'We have three confirmations, the crystal ball, the magic 8-ball and the coin flip, all say to buy.'

Vending machines at work: Snacks, Coffee, Glimmer of Hope

'Look at the bright side, it's better to have loved money and lost than never to have invested at all.'

'I put money in the stock market and now I don't have any to put in the supermarket.'

Put all our money in corporate stocks.

'Those two are going at it with hammer and tongs.'

My bullish strategy was given a bum steer.

"Every hand I draw is a royal flush! This really is heaven!"

"Why are you using your phone during the match?"