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The Well of Inspiration

The Fourth Little Pig

Saint George and the Drag Queen

"Well, we needed the rain."

Little Buttercup HMS Pinafore

"Bram Stoker's Bambi"

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

Mighty Man Of Justice Is Born

'Tarzan interviewing for a position as a corporate lawyer.' An interviewer asks, 'When we go against the gorillas, how can we be sure that you won't forget which side you're representing?'

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

Moby Dick

This side is the gag reel.

"Before texting we had to write letters by hand, and before emojis we honestly just bottled up our emotions."

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

Malaprop Man! Adventures. Malaprop Man! Where have you been? At a stupor her comet confection! Did many of your fellow heroes show up? We had a great turnabout! Backman and the Incredible Bulk were there! So was Caption Americ, the Flush, Wander Woman and Plasterman! Very impressive. Who was the most popular with the fans? I think I was the main distraction! I have no doubt at all about that!

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

Ask A Silly Question.

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

Mark Twain and Charles Dickens make a joint appearance on the lecture circuit

Dip Pen

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

"First I alienated the apes who'd raised me. Then there was a lot of turmoil with the colonials pulling out. Now Jane and me are semi-retired and I haven't swing through the trees in ages. Want a drink?"

Romulus and Remus

"Well, how was I supposed to know you were saving them for something special?"

"Would you mind taking a look at this collection of my poems? Your opinion would mean a lot."

"The narrative seems contrived."

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

'What do you mean, I'm not your type?'

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"I beg your pardon," said Alice, "but which of you is the Democrat?"

"I can write, but I can't draw."

Bertolt Brecht