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The Well of Inspiration

The Fourth Little Pig

Saint George and the Drag Queen

"Well, we needed the rain."

"Bram Stoker's Bambi"

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

Little Buttercup HMS Pinafore

Moby Dick

'Tarzan interviewing for a position as a corporate lawyer.' An interviewer asks, 'When we go against the gorillas, how can we be sure that you won't forget which side you're representing?'

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"Before texting we had to write letters by hand, and before emojis we honestly just bottled up our emotions."

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

Mark Twain and Charles Dickens make a joint appearance on the lecture circuit

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

Ask A Silly Question.

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

Dip Pen

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

Romulus and Remus

"Would you mind taking a look at this collection of my poems? Your opinion would mean a lot."

"First I alienated the apes who'd raised me. Then there was a lot of turmoil with the colonials pulling out. Now Jane and me are semi-retired and I haven't swing through the trees in ages. Want a drink?"

"Well, how was I supposed to know you were saving them for something special?"

"The narrative seems contrived."

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

'What do you mean, I'm not your type?'

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"I beg your pardon," said Alice, "but which of you is the Democrat?"

"His prose is so muscular."

"I think you left something of your resumé... writer of fiction!"