Fan Of Philosophical Jokes Pillows

'According to every religion, I'm going to hell. Except for Hinduism. But that's only because they don't believe in hell.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Trappist Monk Discord

Zenemies.

Optimist

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

'What's the fist thing you're going to think of when your brain is fully formed?'

Clone Factory

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

Trump Tariffs

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

"Inactivists"

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

"What if it's smarter than us?"