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"When did you first notice this compulsion to jump off things?"

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"When troubles begin to take their toll, it’s nice to take a little stroll!"

"Oh good, more time alone for quiet reflection."

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

"I just never 'think I can' anymore."

You are what you eat!

"Thanks, but I already have my 'support bubble' right here."

"Now we'll just need a vaccine for soul-destroying expectations, crushing workloads and the debilitating effects of 28-hour days..."

'I'm not a happy bunny.'

'It took years of therapy before I became the Bluebird of Happiness.'

'I feel like such a failure: They have to process my milk to make it low-fat...'

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

"These quiet walks in the park remind me of what a psycho you were before you started taking the meds."

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

'So ... what makes you uptick?'

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"Why do you feel you have an inner conflict?"

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"You must learn to let go."

''Normal' seems too much to shoot for ... but maybe I can keep you out of the nuthouse.'

'I'm beginning to think outside the box again - get my GP quickly!'

'Now while you're cranking the Jack in the Box Tommy, I want you to tell me your thoughts.'

If dogs were psychiatrists.

"You really are one hell of a therapy dog."

He was out in no time, with a new outlook and a clean slate.

Welcome: How Does that Make You Feel?

'An alternative to having me psychoanalyze you is to write a book and have the critics do it.'

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

Automatic Reply: Thank you for your email. I will be emotionally unavailable until further notice.

"I'm going to probe the depths of Mr. Osgood's psyche, Miss Wigley - Have the smelling salts ready."

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."