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"When did you first notice this compulsion to jump off things?"

"When troubles begin to take their toll, it’s nice to take a little stroll!"

"Oh good, more time alone for quiet reflection."

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

You are what you eat!

'I'm not a happy bunny.'

"Now we'll just need a vaccine for soul-destroying expectations, crushing workloads and the debilitating effects of 28-hour days..."

'It took years of therapy before I became the Bluebird of Happiness.'

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

'I feel like such a failure: They have to process my milk to make it low-fat...'

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

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"Why do you feel you have an inner conflict?"

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

'So ... what makes you uptick?'

"These quiet walks in the park remind me of what a psycho you were before you started taking the meds."

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"You must learn to let go."

''Normal' seems too much to shoot for ... but maybe I can keep you out of the nuthouse.'

'Now while you're cranking the Jack in the Box Tommy, I want you to tell me your thoughts.'

'I'm beginning to think outside the box again - get my GP quickly!'

If dogs were psychiatrists.

Welcome: How Does that Make You Feel?

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

"You really are one hell of a therapy dog."

'An alternative to having me psychoanalyze you is to write a book and have the critics do it.'

Automatic Reply: Thank you for your email. I will be emotionally unavailable until further notice.

He was out in no time, with a new outlook and a clean slate.

'I had a very unhappy egghood....'

"I'm going to probe the depths of Mr. Osgood's psyche, Miss Wigley - Have the smelling salts ready."

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."