Family Values Pillows

'I was very upset when I found my son smoking a whole bag of pot by himself... I've always taught him to share.'

'That's it? Listen to my mom?'

"I like being a kid - it's the ultimate entitlement program."

"And if that day comes, sweetie, just make sure your wedding album is inclusive-looking."

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

Family traits.

Nepotism

"If you work hard, get a good education and live life with dignity...you control your destiny! But first you have to take out the trash."

"Baldo, this report card...it makes me sad. I've tried showing you kids that an education is muy importante for your future. Please mi'jo...show me you take this seriously."

"Are you going out, Tia Carmen? You look beautiful!"

"You know, my dad always says, 'Baldo, a man should always treat a woman with respect. The moment you stop respecting your girl, it's all over.' Why are you looking at me like that?"

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Come on, we've thought of 492 names surely we can get one more"

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

Family Feeling

"Gracie, we're rich because we love one another...we have a safe home and we don't go to bed hungry at night."

"This is my son...I want him to work his way up all the way from the bottom- even if it takes all day."

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

Old School Call Forwarding

"That's Stuart and Vivian Muntner. They're a one-marriage family."

Marry one wife, get another one free - 'It's our new incentive for marriage.'

'Doug and I have agreed to stay together until the children and his hedge fund are grown.'

It's a beautiful thing, watching your children grow into mature, responsible adults...

'Just a minute while your father figures this out.'

'These figures on parental leave are truly shocking...'

"I love the way you make me rethink my commitment to family values."

"All I'm saying is that family values are really important to all of us. For example...I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. You?"

'He helps keep me focused on what matters most.'

I Wooden Be Anything Without You

"Fred Homerson! How are you? How's the wife? The kids? The traditional family values?"

The Faith-Based Family

Leaving family

"You should never be embarrased to ask for help, Grandpa."