Family Values Debater Pillows

"I love the way you make me rethink my commitment to family values."

Marry one wife, get another one free - 'It's our new incentive for marriage.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

Family traits.

'I recommend this to get rid of that stupid little voice whispering 'Don't forget to act ethical and responsible'!

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

"Gracie, we're rich because we love one another...we have a safe home and we don't go to bed hungry at night."

"This is my son...I want him to work his way up all the way from the bottom- even if it takes all day."

"And if that day comes, sweetie, just make sure your wedding album is inclusive-looking."

'That's it? Listen to my mom?'

"You know, if lima beans, cauliflower and broccoli tasted like candy and ice cream, we wouldn't have to go through this every night!"

"That's Stuart and Vivian Muntner. They're a one-marriage family."

'I'm running away from home.'

"Daddy, which group of economists did you support during the recession?"

"It seems your polls have slumped ever since that issue with the washing up."

"I like being a kid - it's the ultimate entitlement program."

You Must Be This Tall - To Have An Opinion

"Fred Homerson! How are you? How's the wife? The kids? The traditional family values?"

'He helps keep me focused on what matters most.'

"All I'm saying is that family values are really important to all of us. For example...I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. You?"

The Faith-Based Family

Leaving family

'I was very upset when I found my son smoking a whole bag of pot by himself... I've always taught him to share.'

"Am I talent or product?"

"Yes, dear - now that gay marriage is banned - this wonderful institution of marriage is safe!"

Nepotism

"I've managed to restrict my predatory behavior to my job at the car title loan company."

'From a purely financial standpoint, talking other people's money is just good business.'

To promote family values, I propose we establish a 'marriage-breakup tax!'

"Spare me the commentary."

Didn't that fancy business college I sent you to teach you anything dishonest?

"I have 100 signatures for my online petition 'East Dessert First.'"