Family Unity Seeker Gifts

'We really should spend more time with the kids. Is there a 'quality time' app...?'

'Dad! Dad! Dad!!. . . We lost our signal.'

"You're adopted."

Separation Anxiety

"Relax, grandpa. The quarterback is taking a knee to run out the clock."

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'It's so incredible, getting to discover the little bundle of magic hidden inside.'

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

Magic Carpet Cleaning

"Everybody in the whole damn household is alpha."

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.'

"Oh, great. ... My Aunt Donna is now on Facebook!"

"This family who came with the frame made it clear they want no contact with me."

"I could never please my father. Whenever I did something he didn't approve of, he'd threaten to go public."

'You couldn't just lock him up somewhere, could you?'

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'You told me to put away the groceries.'

Woman is on computer searching a website for lost socks.

Musical washing

"I've decided to move back in with my parents."

"Who'd want to Retire...what would you do with your time?...Apart from spend time with your kids...see all those places you always promised you would...be the person you want to be...have a life!"

'No, this isn't my son, the doctor. This is my other son, the one who didn't make much of himself.'

"I'm not allowed to come out and play. I was being good, but I relapsed."

"Nobody 'heads up' this family - we work democratically."

"In my opinion, nothing promotes family harmony like caller I.D."

"Dismantle the man cave and put the cushions back. . . my parents are here."

Family welcoming in an adopted child.

"Go to work, I'll find out why Mom is agitated."

"Hang in there, kids this family sticks together."

The Big Book of Parent-Child Fights

"Oh, there's your problem—twenty years of resentment at having to do the dishes."

'If my 'Honey-Do' list annoys you, wait till you see my 'Honey-Don't.'

Following an especially difficult divorce.

Poor Mr. Tramp struggles hard to keep an immaculate home...