Family Monitor Pillows

'Yeah, I still use old fashion Facebook. I gotta monitor what my parents are up to!'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"It's his emotional support animal."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

A family with mustaches talking on their cellphones.

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

"I've been listening to your podcast. And though I agree with your opinion on deforestation and global warming, I strongly disagree with your claim that I overcook my pasta."

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

'Simple case of gravity, mom.'

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

I think it's time he left home.'

"I'm going to need more minutes. I'm texting for two now!"

"If it slows down, just ask my father about the murder he always swears he did not commit."

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

man juggling career, home and children

Look,that is not your Daddy

"Really, Mr. Stevens, this fantasy of being turned into a giant frog is absurd. We both know there's no such thing as a curse, and you can't seriously believe your mother-in-law is actually a witch. . ."

"Just wait until my autobiographical one-woman show."

His real name is Jasper Underwood Farthington III...but we just call him 'Stinky'.

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

"Your mom is a little overprotective, isn't she?"

'My principal wants to see you about my principles.'