Family Misunderstandings Pillows

'Darn it Mother! I'm not MISSING! I'm just working DOUBLES this month!'

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

'The school. My counselor told me to make the most of it...'

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

"Two boys from legal to see you."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

'...you'd better get yourself a good lawyer!'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

'Are you sure you didn't swallow your cell phone? I keep getting a dial tone.'

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

How were the academic departments on the campuses you visited? Dad!!! Stop stressing me!! College hunting is hard enough without you prying into every detail of my life! Arrghh!! How were the drama departments?

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

'I'm running away from home.'

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

"Look. He's just created his first text output object."

Thanks to Floss-A-Cuffs, parents can be certain that their kids will maintain proper oral hygiene.

"My dad and I are trading important life skills. He's teaching me how to change the oil in the car."

Twig, do you

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

"Son, the reason you're not happy like me is because your real father was an oyster.'

"This is our adoptive son. We found him in the cellar where he was raised by spiders."

"Well I say we go on without him..."

It's time again for my 'State-of-the-family' address.

'...and then, when I asked if I could see her home, she showed me a photograph of her house.'

"We are fighting so much I'm coming to live with you again."

Cut the small talk-I'm almost seven.

"Mommy and Daddy are arguing again."

Family Feud

'I sincerely thank you for your concern, but I'm only setting up a swing.'

'You didn't spank me today. What did I do good?'