Family Misunderstandings Pillows

'Darn it Mother! I'm not MISSING! I'm just working DOUBLES this month!'

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"Two boys from legal to see you."

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

'...you'd better get yourself a good lawyer!'

'Are you sure you didn't swallow your cell phone? I keep getting a dial tone.'

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

'I'm running away from home.'

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

"Look. He's just created his first text output object."

"Son, the reason you're not happy like me is because your real father was an oyster.'

"This is our adoptive son. We found him in the cellar where he was raised by spiders."

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

"Mommy and Daddy are arguing again."

Family Feud

"We are fighting so much I'm coming to live with you again."

"Well I say we go on without him..."

Cut the small talk-I'm almost seven.

It's time again for my 'State-of-the-family' address.

'...and then, when I asked if I could see her home, she showed me a photograph of her house.'

'I sincerely thank you for your concern, but I'm only setting up a swing.'

'You didn't spank me today. What did I do good?'

'You idiot, I said 'ark', not 'park'.'