Family Meeting Enthusiast Pillows

"And since when does being twenty-five and married and living in Dallas excuse you from a family meeting?"

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Ahhh...'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Christmas Tree

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"Hi-yah!"

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

Barbecued dessert, anyone? The coals are PERFECT now!

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

Polygamists' Picnic

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

Graph Your Relatives!

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'