Family Life Philosopher T-Shirts

"The best advice is to never give up. But if you're going to, better sooner than later."

'If they didn't have any parents, who did they blame all their hang-ups on?'

"Too bad teenagers don't have a chrysalis stage."

'We'll never understand these kids. It's the old evolution gap.'

"Yea, mom, knows everything...she's momnipotent."

"I did it for the money."

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"You're welcome."

Coronavirus Impact on Children

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."