Family History Explorer Gifts

"Aside from a limp, was there anything else different about dad?"

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

Family DNA

OOG & SONS HUNTING & GATHERING

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'The big feet come from your side of the family.'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

'He's got your nose.'

Do you ever wish you lived in a different era, Randy? It's safer to keep me where I am. Injecting my advanced virility into more primitive eras could have disastrous effects on the timeline. Well

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

"That's lovely darling, but I don't think that's what your teacher meant when she asked you to draw your family tree..."

Gone Fishing

Send us $2.00, and we'll send you Your Family Tree

"My Aunt Agatha – feminist, civil rights activist, philanthropist, sound engineer for 'Cheap Trick at Budokan.'"

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'They're not out of focus. They're just fuzzy memories.'

Peace in shackles.

"My dad was really good at showing me how to throw poo. He was just never any good at explaining exactly why I should be throwing it."

Title page from 'The Scouring of the White Horse'.

'Periodic table and avoirdupois weight of the Mendeleev family'

"...I have the oddest 'earliest memory' and I wanted to share it. It's just as wekkm I guess. Knowing some man secretly attended my first birthday party has caused me to question my parentage all these years....Especially since Mother Park made me promise not to tell Father that the potted plant was acually J. Edgar Hoover."

The best time capsules are our children.

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

The dna double helix, with a human family taking the place of the dna rungs (or bases), illustrating genetic inheritance within the family

Alvin, genealogist extraordinaire, traces his roots back to the first amoeba.

Robot Attack in Bath