Family Focus Gifts

"I've spent so much time with my family that I've started to lose sight of what really matters."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

"Come on, we've thought of 492 names surely we can get one more"

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'My mom says we're expecting a house guest for 18 years.'

"... and finally, to my children I leave the four mosquitos and the horsefly in the top left corner."

'Fersteimer believes in strictly minding his own business.'

"Please continue as a lab rat, we have five mouths to feed!"

Proud Mum.

"The alarm will alert us when our meditative, present-moment-restoring tech break has ended."

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

'Hey, hey -- You've got to stay focussed.'

Attention Span Remaining: 3 minutes, 27 seconds.

"Let me tell you what it's like to be seven in this city."

"Another problem is that I haven't had dinner with my family for a week."

"This one is less distracting."

Old School Call Forwarding

"I have to commend you for your ability to focus."

"I don’t care if your daughter gave it to you for Father’s Day, Glen – get rid of it."

It's a beautiful thing, watching your children grow into mature, responsible adults...

'Doug and I have agreed to stay together until the children and his hedge fund are grown.'

'These figures on parental leave are truly shocking...'

"Marry you? This is so sudden, I don't know what to say!"

'Focus on the kick, and forget about all the seven-foot tall kick blockers they have.'

"Last, but not least, give my child a seat by the window so I can see her on my drone camera."

I Wooden Be Anything Without You

'Management are very keen to introduce family friendly policies...we're very keen on helping staff balance or with family commitments.'

'Typical family rubbish bin if you ask me: No chips, no chocolate, but lots of discarded vegetables...'

'I thought I'd have one more look at the old room before I leave for college.'

Interview panel - '...and what makes you the best member of my family for this job?'