Family-focused Gifts

"I thought we had the sort of relationship where 'please' and 'thank you' were implicit."

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"Last, but not least, give my child a seat by the window so I can see her on my drone camera."

"Let me tell you what it's like to be seven in this city."

"Yes, we're osbourne rich, but, no, we're not Olsen twin rich."

Hey barkeep, double hot chocolate, double whipped cream. Sure. Everything okay? It's our family cat. Her body stopped working. I don't understand. Her body stopped working? She died. But my parents are afraid to use that word with me, so they keep coming up with the strangest explanations. At one point, they told be she went to Wichita and wasn't coming back. I'm lost. Isn't airport travel terrible these days?

'My mom says we're expecting a house guest for 18 years.'

Proud Mum.

"No darling, a 'wolf whistle' is never a good sign, it's always predatory behaviour, even if it's not from an actual wolf..."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Come on, we've thought of 492 names surely we can get one more"

Boss

"I want both of you to go to college and get good jobs. I want you to have all the things I never had! That way, I'll be very comfortable when I move in with you."

HappyHouse Daycare. Family-owned & family-run since this many (fingers showing a count of seven) years.

"Please continue as a lab rat, we have five mouths to feed!"

"I've spent so much time with my family that I've started to lose sight of what really matters."

Old School Call Forwarding

"Another problem is that I haven't had dinner with my family for a week."

'Just a minute while your father figures this out.'

"I don’t care if your daughter gave it to you for Father’s Day, Glen – get rid of it."

"Marry you? This is so sudden, I don't know what to say!"

It's a beautiful thing, watching your children grow into mature, responsible adults...

'These figures on parental leave are truly shocking...'

'Doug and I have agreed to stay together until the children and his hedge fund are grown.'

I Wooden Be Anything Without You

'Management are very keen to introduce family friendly policies...we're very keen on helping staff balance or with family commitments.'

'Typical family rubbish bin if you ask me: No chips, no chocolate, but lots of discarded vegetables...'

'I thought I'd have one more look at the old room before I leave for college.'

'We tried solar, we tried wind, and now we have a little nuclear reactor out back.'

"You should never be embarrased to ask for help, Grandpa."

"Our family. We ran out of room years ago."

Interview panel - '...and what makes you the best member of my family for this job?'

"I need to cut back on work and spend more time with the children. . . how many do we have?"

"So...what do you think of babies?"

Angry White Males.