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Patriarchy vs Matriarchy

'Oh no! We forgot to unstrap granny before we left!'

I like the Jets...I guess

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

"I appreciate that you brought me to 'Take our daughters to work day' all those years ago, dad, but I still have to let you go!"

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

'Okay, okay - is there anyone OTHER that the bride's mother who objects to this marriage?'

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

Black and white penguins with gray and black and white child.

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"Oh, you silly girl, you! Don't tell me you brought home another husband."

"It's easy to understand the theory of evolution when you have a brother!"

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

"Act your birth order!"

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'

'I blame my parents, they never set me any standards worth rebelling against.'

'I try to run my family like a democracy, but what I really need is a line-item veto.'

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.