Family Competitor T-Shirts

'Yeah, that used to be my place - my sister bought me out.'

Polygamists' Picnic

Yummy Mummies

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

"Greta, look! The first dysfunctional family of winter!"

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

"Am I through to the next round?"

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

The relay race

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'Sorry, cash only -- we don't accept little brothers.'

"When I said, 'Give him a chance-best two out of three,' I was talking to the dog."

Skateboard Olympics.

"Gracie, I'm getting way tired of your Jane Goodall routine!"

Food Cooked. Nerves raw.

'At first I wanted a brother, but I've changed my mind... I want a puppy now.'

"A phony attorney…I'm so disappointed, son. Your brother is a phony doctor."

"Looks like Dad has finally given up on trying to beat us at chess."

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

'My kid is going to Harvard, and Jim's son to Stanford- which college accepted yoyr kid, Fred? ( pix of clown on desk)

"Do I read better than Mommy?"

"An area where a specific species lives. . . like my older sister in the bathroom."

"Mom always liked you best."

"You're the one who should be 'Time's' man of the year."

"I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed all my brothers and sisters."

Trick Number 9: plant valuables in his room...in case you need a reason for a quick getaway.

'Jimmy takes these Easter Egg hunts very seriously.'

'A couple of the other dads and I were thinking of starting up a fight club. . . you in?'