Family Competitor T-Shirts

'Yeah, that used to be my place - my sister bought me out.'

Polygamists' Picnic

Yummy Mummies

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"Am I through to the next round?"

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"Greta, look! The first dysfunctional family of winter!"

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

The relay race

Skateboard Olympics.

"When I said, 'Give him a chance-best two out of three,' I was talking to the dog."

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'Sorry, cash only -- we don't accept little brothers.'

Food Cooked. Nerves raw.

'At first I wanted a brother, but I've changed my mind... I want a puppy now.'

"Do I read better than Mommy?"

'My kid is going to Harvard, and Jim's son to Stanford- which college accepted yoyr kid, Fred? ( pix of clown on desk)

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

"A phony attorney…I'm so disappointed, son. Your brother is a phony doctor."

"Looks like Dad has finally given up on trying to beat us at chess."

'Jimmy takes these Easter Egg hunts very seriously.'

"You're the one who should be 'Time's' man of the year."

"An area where a specific species lives. . . like my older sister in the bathroom."

"I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed all my brothers and sisters."

"Mom always liked you best."

'A couple of the other dads and I were thinking of starting up a fight club. . . you in?'

Dads.