Family Chronicle Keeper Gifts

My Mother Is Dead But Her Body Is Still Alive

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

Photographer Phone: 'Okay everybody, SMILE!'

"Gracie, today I'm teaching you a Bermudez family tradition...passed down from generation to generation! Vamonos! Out! Now!"

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

Professional woman in pub

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

Dear Dairy

'Lost Diary'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

man juggling career, home and children

Investment advice from father to son:"Learn to walk and then learn to invest. I'm depending on you to look after me when I grow old."

'What did I ever see in you?' 'Fortunately I wrote it down. 'Jenny thinks I have a super sense of humour.''

Newborn making the V-sign

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

'More pictures of your kids. Wow, they've really grown since yesterday.'

"Today we will focus on how the author makes the same exact complaints about here life, from her sixth birthday and on."

"I'm just making a few behavioral notes in my journal, then I'll chase him."

Jewish Hall of Nachas

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

'Are you on any medication other than your Grandma's chicken soup?'

Gigolo Diary

Mystic Writes 2014 Diary

"I'm pretty sure your grandma's secret apple pie recipe is not considered an unauthorized classified document."

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

"She's always writing in that journal of hers. Maybe she'll be a notary public when she grows up."

The world on lockdown

'What do you mean, you don't want to dry grapes in the sun for dessert wines, like your father? He's a big success--and only 32!'

"Thank you for coming with me. This is a sacred family tradition."

"Dear Diary, Ate linguini for the first time tonight..."

'Oy! Zadie, I think we need a bigger house!'

'Dear Dairy, Well... I met someone, and I think she could be Mrs. Alright.'

The baby born with a middle-aged brain. Darn it, I left the womb to get something … Now, what was it?