Familial Drama Lover Gifts

"The police came to your door today. I told them you remind me of my own son who never calls, and for that matter might be a criminal."

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Cut!

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

A little bird told me...

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Goldfish bowl on raft...

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

"My only love sprung from my only hate!"

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Shakespeare. Hamlet. Romeo and Juliet. "To be or not to be, that is the question". "We are such stuff …As dreams are made of …" "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other word would small as sweet." That Shakespeare guy had some neat sound bites.

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

Illustrations of Shakespeare.

Marriage a la Mode - Death of the Earl.

The Unhappy King

The wine-shop

Hamlet in the craft shop.

I Pagliacci

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

Proposal

Speech

Oedipus

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

'Want to make some big money, William? A publisher wants you to write a page-turner.'

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."

Illustration for 'The Notting Hill Mystery'. (woman pulled out of the river).