Family Drama Aficionado Gifts

"Would you mind elaborating on this section of the resume, which claims that you're my love child?"

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

A dinner table in the middle of a boxing ring

Dysfunction room.

'Your wife gets custody of the cat and you get custody of your mother-in-law.'

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

"No, I don't think we all agree 'It's what Mom would have wanted.'"

"Friend or foe?"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"First, the disclaimer: I'm a doctor portraying an actor portraying a doctor."

James Gandolfini in his driveway with a tablet

Block Closed for Gritty, Hard-Edged Tale

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

'Try to think of this as a learning experience.'

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

'So, what's it gonna be? Are we gonna watch a good cop show tonight, or a bad cop show?'

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

"Now calm down Ma'am. If you want to report a murder I'll patch you through to Detective Malone in homicide. This is Sergeant Flanagan....Insecticide!"

"Rehearsal's off! Our first violinist was apprehended early this morning poaching clams in Great South Bay! The authorities have confiscated her rake and long tongs!"

"Remember - this meeting never happened, we never met, and you never wore that tie with that jacket."

"You've got to move. The bed is needed for another TV drama."

'He must be serious,mum - he's taking me out again tomorrow and there's football on television.'

"I wish school was more like TV."

"What do you mean you don't think I'm the father?!"

'My daughter eloped with a mime...'

Woman and cats watching Nine Lives to Live.

'Don Francesco, scusi... But while we were burying Luigi, some joggers ran into us... So we had to bury five corpses altogether...'

Mistress Talking to Maid

"Your mother and I have seen your report card, and we've decided to distance ourselves from you."