Faithful Sipper Pillows

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

We'll have Manhattans...

Happy Hour

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'Fischer Says Give Thanks to the Lord!'

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

Monk Prompt

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

Spiritual Lives Matter

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'How long you planning on staying up there, Bill?'

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing

"The buck really stops with him."

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

"Wine not?"

"But how many followers do you have?"