Faithful Fundraiser Gifts

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

"We only got six days of funding."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"You can either make a pledge or join us in this weekend's Barkathon."

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'Al, this is Jack. He's with the Committee to Eliminate the Board of Education. Jack, this is Al. He's with the Committee to Increase Funding for the Board of Education.'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"I've accepted him as my personal trainer."

Lincoln v. Douglas - 2020

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

The nonprofit dog fight.

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

Men's Prayer Group.

"What are we doing wrong?"

'I'm getting a head start for Movember.'

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

"Relax, the vicar's surrounded the place with mouse traps."

'So then the alien stepped out of the UFO and said that he was a fundraiser from another planet, which was quite novel, I thought.'

"I am not a candidate. Just ask my campaign manager, press aides and fund raisers."

Appeals

'Profit or non-profit?'