Faithful Fundraiser Gifts

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

"We only got six days of funding."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"You can either make a pledge or join us in this weekend's Barkathon."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'Al, this is Jack. He's with the Committee to Eliminate the Board of Education. Jack, this is Al. He's with the Committee to Increase Funding for the Board of Education.'

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"I've accepted him as my personal trainer."

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

The nonprofit dog fight.

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

"What are we doing wrong?"

Men's Prayer Group.

'I'm getting a head start for Movember.'

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

"Relax, the vicar's surrounded the place with mouse traps."

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

Appeals

'So then the alien stepped out of the UFO and said that he was a fundraiser from another planet, which was quite novel, I thought.'

"I do a lot for charity but I don't like to talk about it. . ."

"I am not a candidate. Just ask my campaign manager, press aides and fund raisers."