Faithful Contributor Gifts

"You can offer a pledge, but not IOU's."

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"I've accepted him as my personal trainer."

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

Sunday Sermon: Does God Prefer Particular Sports Teams?

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

'I'd like to think they contribute because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not above a short sermon on tax deductibility.'

Monks play conkers with crucifix

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

"We will remember them."

Pallbearers sitting around radio: 'This just in! Tributes are pouring in for the legendary tenor Pavarotti, who passed away earlier today....'

"Don't worry, sweetie... Daddy is just adjusting the television...Mr. Maher is all in favor of people being exposed to channels like HBO."

'Could I get back to you on that one? My broker says my stock went back up!'

"Don't - they'll just spend it on drugs."

Help - "What's in it for me?"

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

Cardinal making bid for painting at auction with roman numerals

"It's my life line in case the rapture happens, so I'm not left behind."

'Never was a team player.'

Prayer to Share

Give To Tsunami's Victims.

Jeff gives it up for Lent.

'Giving back to the community is an excellent tax write-off strategy.'

The Stock Market Giveth. . . The Stock Market Taketh Away.

'I'll be seeing you again right after our Quarterly Earnings Report.'

Authentic signed Holy Grail

'It's not quite as bad as it looks - they're only witholding payment until we publish our expenses.'

"Say, Coach. . . since we always get beat by 40 points or more, it might make more sense to hold our moment of prayer before the game, not after."

"Did I just give, or did I give wisely? That is the question."

'A tithe is defined as a tenth of your income, Mr. Talmadge -- not ten percent of whatever you happen to have in your pocket on Sunday morning!'