Faithful Faster Pillows

"The church week of prayer and fasting did wonders for your figure."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'Fischer Says Give Thanks to the Lord!'

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

Christian and Born again Christian...

Drive-thru Church

Monk Prompt

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"I've accepted him as my personal trainer."

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

Airports.

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"The buck really stops with him."

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing

Men's Prayer Group.

Interfaith dialogue

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

'A funny thing happened to me on the way to the church tonight..'

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

"But how many followers do you have?"