Faithful Comedy Fan Gifts

Jesus performs the miracle of turning water turned into toilet paper.

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Bad fake tan day.

Giraffe Umbrella

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Vlad the Impala

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

A Fairytale Update

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"That'll be five bucks."

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Out damn Spot

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

"That is an outrageous slur."

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"