Faculty Funster Gifts

"I'm afraid you lack the power to exile a professor to a branch campus."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

British savings accounts

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

Cheeze Wiz.

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

What happens when the bears are running the market.

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

'In order to fund your deferred compensation, we won't be paying you any salary.'

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

'Don't worry about a few pounds up or down. Our main concern is always your bottom line.'

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

'The puppy just downloaded on your computer keyboard.'

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

'Oh, wait. There's a note. It says; Fill her up with euros.'

'It takes great courage of conviction to know you're wrong, yet still proceed forward.'

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

Wall Street Money Never Sleeps. They've obviously never seen my investment portfolio.

"...but do not take Clynkovix if you are already taking any other drug with a ridiculous name."

"How do you like my 'Pop art'?"

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"