Facetious Philosopher T-Shirts

'I still hold out hope that one day the wind will change back.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

Reverse psychology

Beyond the known and the unknown.

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

"Hey, universe! I'm significant and I'm in charge!"

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"I've done a lot of soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that I should be thinking less about money and more about naked women."

"It Works For Us."

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Shooting - No. III

"Do you have any why-to books?"

I lactate, therefore I am.

"After the Great Seagull Reincarnation, we'll spend eternity stealing sandwiches and defecating as we please."

"Since I proved in my last lecture that none of us really exist...I'm going to change this to a cooking class!"

The end is near.

"My mum always said life is like a tin of cat food. You never know what you're gonna get..."

Phrenology - Braille Edition.