Eyeliner Expert Gifts

'In tough negotiations I've found a bit of eyeliner really distracts them!'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Glance Exchange

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

'Before we get started, let's go around the table and practice making eye contact.'

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

"I wish you'd get more in touch with your masculine side, Robert"

'Throw them back They're not what nine out of ten eye doctor's recommend for dry eyes when stranded on a desert island.'

'I'm thinking about laser eye surgery.'

Optician: 'I can't seem to switch off.'

"After practicing dermatology every day, maybe you should try branching out from those warts-and-all biographies."

Time to trim the eyebrows!

'Guess who I bumped into today? EVERYBODY!'

'How was your luck, dear?'

"He did well with his eye exam but was disappointed to find out that laser surgery won't help out his score when he plays laser tag."

Same Day Glasses - "They'll be ready in a month. It's not my fault you couldn't read the fine print."

The herd of hearing.

"Well, Mr. Swanson, I don't know that I can help you improve your standing in your focus group, but I can definitely check out your visual focus."

'Isn't it enough to have long hair?'

'Laser Surgery While You Wait.'

"Wrong, wrong, wrong and wrong. I'd like you to see another specialist. His office is closer to the eye chart."

"Since you're a lawyer, it will be a bar exam."

"I've been in the desert for a really long time and I've got a bad case of dry eyes. Do you have any eye drops?"

'I am afraid Mr Cyclops, they only come in pairs.'

'I've tried everything. My skin is still as dry as an elephant's trunk.'

In and out trays for ironing.

"I started plucking my eyebrows, and I couldn't stop..."

Carl, his mustache, Jerald, and his eyebrows, Leonard and Reggie.

"Yes, I really love my new job at the ophthalmology clinic, except for feeling a little... creeped out."

"Miss Jones, get up here and change this eye chart, please!"

"I've just broken my glasses... Will I have to be examined all over again?"

"This is definitely the last time for Chapter Seventeen!"

'Even if everyone does say you're blind, sir, I still have to examine you myself.'

Sale. Everything Must Go.