Expression Reader Gifts

"He's dreaming about me, Doctor. I can always read his cute expressions."

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

'No swimming. No breathing.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

No Immediate Danger

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

Sign in Lion Enclosure: 'Please Don't Eat the People.'

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

"It's an honest mistake I'm sure we'll never hear of again."

Yes, That Was The Exit

"I won't be in today, I'm feeling a little under the coffee table."

'It's almost as if they knew!'

The Elephant in the Womb

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

'Let's cut right through to the heart of the matter.'

"You scratch my back, I'll scratch your is just a figure of speech, Ned. A little left, and higher."

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

Museum of Natural Cliches

Older woman explains how to see off men with one of her looks

S**t Threw a Goose

Je Suis Charlie

"If you want my opinion you're damned if you do and damned if you don't."

Street painter puts real face on man with happy face.

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

"They say the early bird gets the worm, but something's rotten in Denmark with this scenario!"