Experimental Art Lover T-Shirts

"I like your paintings, but I'm more interested in this piece here."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Nails pinning down the hammer that usually strikes them.

Generic Store: Sign in Window

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

Interpretive napping

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

"Please turn on your cell phones."

"Tonight the part normally played by the audience will be played by actors playing the part of the audience."

"I don't pretend to be great. I merely know myself to be very, very good."

"This was his real breakthrough piece."

Damien Hirst Cafe

Moderne Auction Today - This end up!

The Big Picture

Modern Art 'D Hirst' and 'A Nutter'

Chicken

'I've always wanted to enter the Turner Prize.' - 'Burp!' - 'Okay, great. Now I just need a title...'

'There seems to be no end to his talent.'

Artist in formaldehyde

(Visual gag) Taxidermist.

"I'll be back in an hour—do not play with the weapons."

'Imagine the damage he could have done as a corporate accountant...'

"I collect art. Or trash, depending on your point of view."

Courtney Love

Scared sheep visiting a Damien Hirst exhibition.

'..the sound of no hands clapping...'

"Near as I can figure, your painting style is Depressionist."

'Our first and only painting cost us $3.5 million!'