Experimental Art Lover Pillows

"I like your paintings, but I'm more interested in this piece here."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Nails pinning down the hammer that usually strikes them.

Generic Store: Sign in Window

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

Interpretive napping

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

Frank Zappa

"Please turn on your cell phones."

"Tonight the part normally played by the audience will be played by actors playing the part of the audience."

Moderne Auction Today - This end up!

"This was his real breakthrough piece."

Damien Hirst Cafe

"I don't pretend to be great. I merely know myself to be very, very good."

The Big Picture

Modern Art 'D Hirst' and 'A Nutter'

'There seems to be no end to his talent.'

'I've always wanted to enter the Turner Prize.' - 'Burp!' - 'Okay, great. Now I just need a title...'

(Visual gag) Taxidermist.

"I'll be back in an hour—do not play with the weapons."

Courtney Love

Chicken

"I collect art. Or trash, depending on your point of view."

'Imagine the damage he could have done as a corporate accountant...'

Artist in formaldehyde

Marcel Duchamp caricature

Scared sheep visiting a Damien Hirst exhibition.

'..the sound of no hands clapping...'

"Near as I can figure, your painting style is Depressionist."