Expense Claim Joker Pillows

"You do realise you can't claim for flying around my office."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Your expense account ain't what it used to be. There's not enough money on your card to cover the $5.35."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

Minority Report Is Real

'A belt will have to be tightened...not the cars...yours.'

Jim's Smart Kettle

"An apple? Doesn't he have any pizza?"

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

"The results of the X-ray show that you have very poor health insurance."

'The test results are in. We've ruled out anything cheap.'

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

"5 second rule!"

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

"I can't work on this one. It's too ticklish."

'I hereby leave all my debts and overdrafts to the IRS. . .'

'Would you believe that I lost my job just because the banking regulatory authority said that I'm too greedy??!'

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

Football crazy

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

"Wine and women are off but can sing as much as you like!"

'Hope that Medicare will kick in to help with my developing headache pain!'

Warning: Eating this food could result in a decrease of health benefits

"Processed food was his undoing. He was eating a salad sandwich in the warehouse, when a pallet of pork pies fell on him!"

"These drugs won't do much, but the combined side effects are a hoot!"

'They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no no no.'

'Take a piece of candy and a tax form. The treat is a gratuity and therefore reportable income.'

"Fluffy will be giving you rour CAT scan."