Expense Claim Joker Pillows

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Your expense account ain't what it used to be. There's not enough money on your card to cover the $5.35."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'A belt will have to be tightened...not the cars...yours.'

'The test results are in. We've ruled out anything cheap.'

Jim's Smart Kettle

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

"The results of the X-ray show that you have very poor health insurance."

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

'I hereby leave all my debts and overdrafts to the IRS. . .'

"I can't work on this one. It's too ticklish."

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

'Would you believe that I lost my job just because the banking regulatory authority said that I'm too greedy??!'

Football crazy

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

Warning: Eating this food could result in a decrease of health benefits

"Processed food was his undoing. He was eating a salad sandwich in the warehouse, when a pallet of pork pies fell on him!"

"These drugs won't do much, but the combined side effects are a hoot!"

"Wine and women are off but can sing as much as you like!"

'Hope that Medicare will kick in to help with my developing headache pain!'

'They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no no no.'

"Fluffy will be giving you rour CAT scan."

"I believe I told you quite clearly not to let his stitches get wet."