Expectant Cousin Gifts

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Cry babies.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

'@#$=%!} paparazzi!'

'I trust this is a non-smoking uterus!'

"I had no idea life could be so complicated."

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

'Dog Show' 'Worst breath winner'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

Why cat yoga classes don't work

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

'At first I wanted a brother, but I've changed my mind... I want a puppy now.'

"It must be hereditary. My mom got pregnant too!!"

"You mean my little sister could be a BOY?"

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

'Another common mistake is to forget to take off the dirty nappy before putting the clean one on.'

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm a fully qualified puppeteer!'

"I guess I've got the spirit in me!"

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

Baby Shower.

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

"I recommend an epidural, at least until they're off to school."

'Two more months!...who's delivering this baby...the post office?'

Hoping for a boy or girl?

"Let's take out these earbuds and experience something called the world."