Exorcism Pillows

'Mrs. Zegenzahn, I'm an expert on exorcising demons, devils and poltergeists, but insurance representatives? There's no remedy for that.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

The Environmentalist

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

Dick was the kind of guy who wanted everyone to know it was his birthday.

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Asking out a palm reader.

"Frank and Sheila finally get off the beaten path."

Rocking Witches.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"You're solemates!"

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"This will be a tricky operation."

'Is there an E-Reader Edition?'

Channelling on the Cheap

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

Pie Filling Reader

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

I have taken over Sarahs body!

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

..and with our new spirit website you can keep in touch with all your dead friends!