Exit Comedian Pillows

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Next Exit.

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'Now Featuring Gas-Fired Microwave Campfires!'

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

Jim Morrison Goes Camping

Recycling bottle bank.

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

Deer about to cut rope of gun being lifted to hunter in tree.

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

'You feel awkward? You're the one who said we ought to hunt bare.'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'I went into hunting and gathering. And you?'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"