Existential Slugger Pillows

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"Nihilistic customer service"

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

The Giamatti era

Business Sisyphus

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

"I think, therefore I am depressed."

Waiting Room For Godot.

Man falls off perch

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

"But if I say I'm in denial then, by definition, I'm not in denial."

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

"I've done a lot of soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that I should be thinking less about money and more about naked women."

"I'm sorry, Mister Mulligan is dead. . . would you care to wait?"

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

"I thought the snow would never start"

'Existential truckstop'

'No, Billy, their first baseman is messing with your head. You won't go to hell for stealing second.'

'Death in the 'life' section of library'

Tombstone that says I Have No Life