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Welcome to ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? Theatre

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

Eugene Ionesco

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

Unpopular Street Signs: Go, Please Litter, Yes Parking, Garbage Collection - Sometimes Never - Mon-Fri.

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

Franz Kafka does stand-up...

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

Psychiatry. I know I've lost touch with reality, but in my defense, reality started it.

Thanks to hypnosis, he quit smoking cold-turkey. Everyone seemed real supportive until he came strutting into work, half-naked, gobbling incoherently.

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

"I thought the snow would never start"

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

"I'm sorry, Mister Mulligan is dead. . . would you care to wait?"

"I've done a lot of soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that I should be thinking less about money and more about naked women."

Last Real Tough-Minded Thinking for 200 Miles

'We rape, pillage and kill. THAT'S our corporate mission statement.'

'You can come out now, Harold. Economists say a recession won't happen.'

"Well, he was a lousy captain, but he sure knows how to go out in style!"

Tombstone that says I Have No Life

The Mr. Bates we know and love isn't in but you may speak with his doppelganger.

"Do you think he'll bring treats?"

I don't care if you did win the bloody X-Factor. You're dealing with the H-Factor here.

'Death in the 'life' section of library'

Reptilian trauma.

"Another impulse purchase?"

Yes, I'm sure I existed. 404 not found.