Exercise Challenger Gifts

Fitness. No, thanks

'Go ahead, rub it in!'

"This is doing nothing for my abs."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"Looks like Harriet mixed her lights and darks again."

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

Lawnmower

"Fine - you don't want to run in the corporate 5K - I get it. What about the corporate cage fighting team?"

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"Yoga helps me unwind."

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

Empty Calories Vending Machine.

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

'We could make a fortune teaching Parkour you know...'

"I don't think there's anything wrong with your fitness watch: It's just that you haven't moved enough to trigger it..."

'How do you propose to repair the roof from down there?!'

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

Please seat to be weighted.

Orienteering 101

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

'I am a staving artist. I'm fat because all I can afford is junk food!'

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

'It's the half-empty bag of cookies from the back of the pantry. Should I tell them you'll call back?'

How's My Jiving?

We're never going to lose weight if we don't get rid of the fridge light.

Spring cleaning.

I don't like the looks of this next level.

'I reduce my stress with comfort food. Now none of my clothes are comfortable.'

'No, no, the pills don't have any medication to improve your balance. You'll just get steadier on your feet by trying to catch pills that are thrown to you.'