Executive Pay Skeptic Pillows

Sanctions planned for bankers bonuses.

'Now that I have your attention...'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

"I hate performance review season."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

My brilliant career

"I'm Jackson, your new micro-manager."

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

"If we do hire you, will you promise to bring a bag lunch and dispose of the bag in the proper receptacle?"

"Our Big Hairy Audacious Goal is balding."

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

"Sure, money may be imaginary - but at least it's got everybody imagining it."

'My last comment appeared to be inviting feedback. Do not be fooled.'

'Here are some bonus checks. Distribute them unfairly.'

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

Get a Job

"There's only one thing I hate more than a 'yes man', and that's a 'no man'!"

"The problem is that our ads have either been too Jewish or not Jewish enough."

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

"Those are wonderful insights jack but we're, Looking for actual ideas."

'A word in my office Jones.'