Excuse Evaluator Pillows

"I've heard some lame excuses in my time, but "I'm only 7" takes the cake."

'Regarding our deadline - have we moved to long-range planning or still stuck in short-term excuses?'

"Miss Rogers, Sally Green. Is it true my son's research project is 'the effect of too much television on a typical ten-year-old?'"

"My dog ate my parents' marijuana, and then ate my homework."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'I suppose you'll use this as an excuse for turning in your homework in late again.'

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

'An essay on what I did last summer? -- I was hoping to let all that stuff blow over.'

'Truth? I am just looking out the window...'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

'My dog ate my computer.'

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

"I was saying a silent prayer, but I must have dozed off and talked in my sleep."

My daddy ate my homework

"Your top 10 list of reasons why you didn't do your homework is creative, but not acceptable."

'Can I hand in my report tomorrow. Ms. D'Amato? I haven't finished reading the book. I've been too busy coloring it.'

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

My department was abducted by aliens so there is no data between January and April.

Bob tries to get off on a technicality.

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

"I'm good enough at making excuses that I don't have to be good at anything else!"

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

'A cyber-terrorist stole my homework. I have a note from the CIA. '

'If we can't come up with better ideas, at least we should have better excuses.'

"You'll have to find another excuse. The vet said I should remove salt, fat and homework from my diet."

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

'My arms are getting shorter.'