Evening Entertainment Gifts

"Too late. I already put the TV to bed."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

They hated me.

Showbiz Awards

Benedict Cumberbatch

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"Extreme miming"

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

Champagne

Television Readers.

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

The Rooster Comedian.

A Guide to Balloon Animals

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

He is familiar with the silent swoop of the evening bat.

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

Cow Show Tunes

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"Bloody hell!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Cord cutter

The First Fire Stick

Marilyn Monroe - Spot the Difference