Etiquette Stickler Pillows

Turn off that **** mobile phone!

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'Where's my glove?'

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

'Don't get up!'

'D'you have any salt?'

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

"I know it's our first date and we're at this fancy restaurant and all, but would it be a red flag if I ordered the chicken fingers?"

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."