Etiquette Ironicist Gifts

'Hey, hey, hey - feet off the table.'

Peace bomb.

"No internet connection"

"We're not admitting any wrong doing, but we've agreed to pay a ten Zillion dollar fine.''

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

Man-spreading, Dutch style.

'Wow, I hate to be disturbed when I'm enjoying a good brew, too.'

2After using the Internet all day, Brad doesn't like any kind of popup."

"I've been thinking of donating my body to science"

"Pssst! It's the invisible man. Try not to stare at his new hair piece."

"You were employee of the month. This month you're the firee of the month."

'I'd like to be the first to welcome you to the company but I've decided not to hire you.'

"You have the right to remain silent. . ."

'A credit card company has told us not to bother to apply. We're pre-disapproved.'

'Yes, I know -- but having a terrible resume is a sort of a handicap, isn't it?'

"Maybe you should have put the rescue note in the bottle rather than just floating it out to sea."

'How about using a knife like everyone else?'

"You've got a bit of brain on the side of your mouth."

To Hell with Protocol, Walk In

Items From the Jay Leno Fan Club

Harold...your human is open.

Nothing to be taken from this window until 10 a.m.

'it's okay. The package says 'facial quality'.'

"We realize you do better on your I.Q. tests than you do on anything else, but you just cannot major in I.Q."

Please Wipe Your Big Feet!

"Relative obscurity 5 mi"

'In ten more years we could retire if we had jobs...'

Anti War March - 'March? A bit militaristic isn't it?'

Property Types and the Coronavirus Lockdown

Baseball Hat Etiquette.

'Apparently it was lap dancing that converted her.'

'I realize that this might be carping but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

"Oh my God! How could you? His feet stink, his breath smells, he's got spots on his bum..."

'Well we're all disappointed Mother, but with the hosepipe ban he's just had to put the suicide attempt on hold.'