Etiquette Humorist Pillows

Man-spreading, Dutch style.

"Pssst! It's the invisible man. Try not to stare at his new hair piece."

Nothing to be taken from this window until 10 a.m.

'How about using a knife like everyone else?'

'it's okay. The package says 'facial quality'.'

"You've got a bit of brain on the side of your mouth."

Please Wipe Your Big Feet!

Ethics exam cheater.

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

'I understand he has a hard boiled management style.'

"Put on a tie. We've been invited to the castle."

Three-way mirror

Dion hires an image consultant: Ineresting. Now let's try Western and then Hip-Hop.

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

"We want supervisors who know noses and never leave a grindstone unturned."

"I see from your resume you have a black belt in accountancy."

"Baxter, I'm doing an online course in delegating and I want you to sit the exam for me."

"I figured my family could use a padded cell. Actually, I just buy toilet paper in bulk."

"Good news! Your bankruptcy is only moral."

Cheeky Devil and Thief LTD

"I'm pretty sure the term is 'interface,' not 'in your face.'"

"No, I don't call it 'sexual harassment'. I call it casual friday!"

'Hunch your shoulders, Son.'

To Hell with Protocol, Walk In

"You're doing it wrong."

'There's nothing wrong with you, but I'd still like to operate on you. There's a sweet motorcycle I'd like to buy, and I need the money.'

'You either need an antihistamine or a heart transplant -- I'll have to check your credit rating to be sure.'

Oh, you shouldn't have. Shouldn't have what? Really, it's just too much. So thoughtful. Very kind. I have no idea what you're talking about. But I hope you're being sarcastic. Because I'm going to be really upset if you're genuinely accusing me of being thoughtful and kind. How could you forget, you cheap and callous bottom feeder? That's better. Now, what are you talking about?

Harold...your human is open.

"At least I'm learning right from wrong."

"Yes, I'm vegan and no longer eat the prey animals but it's still a lot of fun to kill them!"

"They always remember 'bring a dish,' but they always forget 'to pass.'"

'So? What's the problem?'

Man crawling onto island sees sign saying no shirt, no shoes, no service.

Man teeing off: 'Hole 6 Par Fore!'