Etiquette Guardians Pillows

"Somebody had as-par-a-gus!"

Lynching on social media

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"He likes it."

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

Lovers' leap with chaperone observation point.

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

Awkward First Dates

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

Kid tows his large dog in wagon with 'wide load' sign.

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

"Ma'am, why don't you go ahead of me?" "Um... no thanks. Let's let this gentleman go ahead of us." "Oh, no... you ladies go right ahead!"

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

What a gentleman imagines while he holds a door open.

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'