Etiquette Buff Pillows

'Gesundheit.'

"If you want to do that in the yard, fine, but in here I am not making eye contact with you."

'Wait a minute...did you just double-dip?'

"Okay kids, go wash up. Dinner is ready."

'Richard, control yourself! You're swirling counter-clockwise in public!'

Please wipe your big feet.

"What's the etiquette with leeches Dad? Can we suck blood from blood-suckers?"

"We've only just met. I don't think it would appropriate for you to stay the night."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Hipsters"

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'