Ethics Instructor Gifts

Some think teaching someone to be good takes less effort than practicing it.

Ethics exam cheater.

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Squeezing the Free Press.

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

"Moulting"

"Hi, Bob - your consultants have just arrived."

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

Tragically Moses didn't see the eleventh commandment.

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

"Unfortunately, what you downloaded from the net is a ten-year-old paper I once wrote for my college boyfriend!"

Anonymous Donations

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

Memory Content is King

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

"I have to admit Dick Cheney makes a strong argument for torture. But I still think torturing him would be wrong."

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

'Yep, that does sound like an ethical dilemma, Phil. But relax... it's only a problem if you have a conscience.' 'That's just it! I think I do!!' 'Don't worry, I won't tell a soul.'

'It's not the same. I was caught stealing office supplies. You, on the other hand, got caught stealing ideas.'

'We're able to cut back on legal fees by being more ethical.'